im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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