No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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