Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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