The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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