How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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