Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I came so hard my ears popped.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
