You're so nebulous sometimes
wanna go halves on a baby?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
