VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A+ Viking dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
