DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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