I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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