So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
