Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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