You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
