Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
