he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize