Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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