i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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