you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
