he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
