She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
