The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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