I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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