his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
