I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
