I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
