Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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