I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
