omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Vodka?
Forever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
