I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
