wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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