And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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