If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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