told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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