y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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