sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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