So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
