you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
