dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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