Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
