You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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