: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
