The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
worst night to have a conscience
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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