mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
