Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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