im six kinds of drunk right now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
