you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
