So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
