He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
