Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
