is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
