I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
