I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just high enough for therapy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize