literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
