You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
