just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
