i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
