Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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