in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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