sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
