it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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