just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
