for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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