You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
