It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
