i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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