covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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