When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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