stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
